KING OF POKER
KING OF POKER
The King is dead, long live the King! But it was very nearly long live the Queen...
On the warm evening of May 3rd, the beautiful Cafe de Paris in London had quite a queue outside. Normally, it would not have attracted any undue attention. But this queue was different - the finalists and associates for the King of Poker Tournament Final. At least one passer-by whispered, "convention of secret agents".
The invite had said, 'Black tie/lounge suits for gentlemen, sexy and glam for the ladies.' The girls certainly followed the instructions to the letter, but so did the men. It was black. All black - and all wearing shades. If one bright spark had dressed up as Keanu Reeves from The Matrix, the scene would have been complete.
Winner Takes All
Once inside, revellers were greeted with trays of champagne and either a golden ticket for the final (for the Maxim qualifiers) or an entry chip into VC Poker's freeroll (for the guests). The venue was perfect; a large balcony allowing the upper floor to watch the final unfolding below - and also to play the freeroll without distracting the players under the spotlight.
A Journalists vs Celebrities grudge match was also planned, so almost immediately the usual suspects were at the VC Poker tables eager to get some practise in. Everyone was given 45 minutes to accumulate as many chips as possible; the top ten at the end of the night would be in the money. For the likes of poker-mad Michael Greco and Grub Smith, it was gift week.
Well, not quite. Because the problem with a free tournament and free champagne is that skill levels quickly become irrelevant. One table saw six players answer an all-in, the highest hand being (put your drink down now)... a king and a nine. Offsuit.
With such madness abounding, Grub soon fell by the wayside - as did Greco, gleefully crushed by Brandon 'Rolling Stone' Block. The Ibiza DJ was so convinced his remarkable luck would get no better - and he was probably right - that he promptly resigned in triumph, bagging a place on the leader-board with Greco's ex-stack. None of this, of course, happened quietly.
The King of Poker Final itself, another stylish co-production from Maxim magazine and VC Poker, was thankfully immune to the roaring laughter and howls of bad-beat indignation coming from above. Every face was rigid, staring, focused. Had Michael Greco justifiably launched Brandon Block over the balcony, not one of the 40 players below would have even blinked on impact. (Unless he'd landed on his feet, which would have been rather cool.)
With only 40 places this year, down from 64, some expected a relatively quick game but it was not to be. There were no guest players making up the numbers and you couldn't spot a mug on any of the five tables. These places had been hard-fought and only the best remained. While the free champagne and conversation flowed for the spectators, it was grim determination and orange juice for the contestants. For most of them, anyway...
Because the King of Poker is a winner-takes-all competition (and because it's poker) the eventual victor was always going to need a bit of luck - or maybe just less bad luck than everyone else. And yet, when it was down to the final table, the last eight all had pretty much the same number of chips - and then short-stacked psychosi promptly caught the leader making one bluff too many, which evened them up even more. Solid players to a man - except one.
Three of the 40 starters were of the fairer sex but only one made the final table - and she very nearly won it, too. Stella Fenlon, a 55 year-old NHS professional from Wakefield, had qualified 6th on the leaderboard under the moniker of hulagirl. Her finest moment saw last year's champion - and two others - fall to her second pocket rockets on the run, putting her on the final table with a healthy pile of chips.
"I was so nervous," said Stella. "This was my first ever live game and I was unsure of the etiquette. But everyone was great - the dealers and all the other players were a right nice bunch. I had a wonderful night." Obviously, Stella would have enjoyed it more if her superb second-place wasn't effectively going out on the bubble. The crowd favourite gave the marketing types kittens until the last hand, "We'll have to scrap loads of expensive artwork - it's going to be the Queen of Poker," they wailed. But in the end a young pretender to the throne, 21 year-old Simon Pettet, showed he hadn't been pretending after all.
Despite only being number 169 on the King of Poker leaderboard, psychosi (for it was he) had already proved his worth with a first-place qualification via the weekly Monday finals - the most difficult way to earn a seat. The combination of solid, aggressive play and the sort of fearless drinking that only students can accomplish saw him personally take out most of his key opponents, including both the third and fourth place finishers (the enigmatic, teetotal paintbal - aka Stephen Peters - and the sober, excellent arthurgee). Where this leaves the time-honoured advice about playing under the influence is anyone's guess. Crying into a beer, probably.
The key hand of the night, with hindsight, was before the final table. With a pair of aces on the board - and another in hulagirl's hand - psychosi's pocket deuces and short stack were in big trouble until a free river card allowed him to fill a very small but perfectly formed full house; deuces full of Aces. It was to prove a crucial turning point for both players.
By the time these two were heads-up, the stacks foretold the story. Despite doubling-up and threatening a comeback, hulagirl had an almost impossible task against even a bad player. Within a dozen hands her Q4 looked good for another double-up when a Queen hit the flop, but psychosi's K9 filled an unlikely straight and it was all over. The new Maxim King of Poker, Simon Pettet, was crowned with pomp, ceremony and regal splendour (well, three gorgeous models molesting him and a big, fat cheque).
"I didn't even go there to win," said Simon, "I went to have a laugh and until there were only three of us left I never really thought I had a chance. And by then I was plastered." An undergraduate of mathematics and sports science at Chester ("My two favourite subjects, so I'm doing both"), psychosi had only been playing for a year, usually on $5 sit-and-go tables. His previous biggest win was a mighty $22.50.
"It was fantastic, the whole night. The place, the people, the free bar... Just meeting everyone I'd played against for the last year was great - arthurgee was a right laugh in particular. Early on, he'd raised a big pot and I was staring at him, trying to get a read and he just winked - it completely threw me. I never did find out if he was bluffing." Not that it mattered. Simon eventually put Arthur to the sword with a brave A3 call that made a full house, leaving Arthur's court-cards of Camelot (KJ) in ruins.
Simon cheerfully admits that the latter stages of the night are difficult to recall - although everyone folding to his big blind pair of Aces remains vivid. His friends wouldn't believe that he'd won (read it and weep, folks - he really did) and his Dad apparently forgives him for the 2:30am wake-up call. After all, it isn't every day your son is crowned King.
As the flashguns died down and the finalists took some well-earned rest, the celebs and journos took to the floor for some gratuitous poker and pouting. Teddy Sheringham joined John McCririck ("Oh my God, he's so horrible!" - famous girl on way to ladies), Rebecca Loos, Lee Herring, Greco, Grub and others to fight for the honour of their professions - or lack thereof. An unlikely winner duly emerged and, given the number of writers present, you will no doubt read about it elsewhere very soon.
But not here, because we know the night really belonged to psychosi. The Maxim King of Poker 2006 pocketed £5000 in cash, trips to babe-filled parties, Maxim photo-shoots and a £5000 WSOP prize package - with millions of dollars at stake. Not a bad night's work - and as hulagirl pointed out, it was a fair result.
"Simon played really well and deserved it. Besides, I don't think I'd have enjoyed all those dolly birds half as much as he will..."
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