Feature

Know your Big Chick from a Gay Waiter.
The Big Slick’s guide to those poker hand names.

Ever had you hands beaten by a couple of snowmen, snuffed out by Darth Vader or shot to pieces by bullets?

Or maybe even outdrawn by Jesse James, ridden roughshod over by cowboys or slapped by a gay waiter?

Strange as it may sound the chances are you probably have! And while we readily admit that here at the Big Slick we enjoyed the annual festive blow out as much as the next person we haven’t completely lost the plot.

Just as poker players pick up nicknames so some starting hands have too since poker was invented in the early 19th Century.

The name Big Slick is itself an example – it refers to your two hole cards being an Ace and a King.

So in case you’re left looking bewildered when someone tells you their Diana Doors suffered a bad beat by Dolly Parton, or their Crabs slipped up on a Montana Banana, here’s the Big Slick guide to some of the more popular Texas Hold’em starting hand names:

AA When they land in your hand the American Airlines should see you flying high. Also known as the Pocket Rockets and Bullets.

AK The Big Slick. Such a good name we borrowed it! Big Slick in a Suit refers to a suited Big Slick.

AQ Little Slick or Big Chick.

AJ No prizes for guessing why this is called Blackjack. Though Dutch players often call it Ajax.

A8 Dead Man’s Hand. Originally referred to two pairs of black aces and eights. So called as it was the hand Wild Bill Hilcock thought he was lucky to win with during a game in Deadwood, Dakota Territory, (now South Dakota) on August 2, 1876. Unfortunately for Bill the hand was not so lucky. Opponent Jack McCall was so angry at being beaten he shot him dead.

A3 Ashtray. Lost? Americans call the three a trey. Some also claim the hand stinks and your money will go up in smoke if you play it too often.

KK Why is it that when you saddle up to ride the Cowboys home an ace always seems to hit the flop?

KJ Who loves you baby? It’s Kojak!

K9 Called the Canine, unless it’s suited in which case you’re holding a Pedigree Canine.

QQ Originally known as the Ladies the two queens have more recently been referred to as legendary Las Vegas showmen Siegfried and Roy.

Q6 Off suit it’s known as Peanut Butter and Jelly. Nope. We have no idea why either.

Q3 The Gay waiter. Well, it’s a queen with a trey. Geddit? Also known as a San Francisco Busboy. English players sometimes refer to it as the Windsor Waiter.

J5 Motown. Eh? The spiritual home of the Jackson 5!

J4 What else could it be other than the Flat Tyre? Well what else is a jack for?

10 2 Only a few players enjoy the status of having a hand named after them and Doyle Brunson is one. Often called the Godfather of modern poker, Brunson has won a record equalling 9 World Series of Poker titles, including two world championships – both with 10 2.

95 Know as the Dolly Parton after her famous song 9 to 5.

92 The Montana Banana. A combination of the law that legalized gambling in Montana (Proposition 92) and the fact that if you play the hand you’re likely to slip up.

88 It’s all in the shape for the Snowmen or Fat Ladies.

78 RPM – the speed old records used to play at before 45 and 33. 78 revolutions per minute.

72 Argued by many to be the worst hole cards in Texas Hold’em it’s called the Beer Hand. Presumably as you must have been knocking back the pints to play it too often.

5 10 Woolworth. The original five and dime shop in America.

57 Known as Heinz. There may well be 57 varieties but ultimately only one outcome if you push your chips in too often with this hand.

45 Called the Jesse James after the legendary Wild West man whose preferred shooter was the Colt 45.

44 Diana Doors, Magnum, as in Magum.44 and Sail Boats after the shape. We particularly like the name for the 4 Spades and the 4 Clubs – Darth Vader or Dark Fours – as in force!

33 Crabs

22 Ducks or Pocket Swans

So there you have it. There’s no need to ever confuse you Big Chick with the Fat Ladies again.

And next time someone claims to have seen Siegfried and Roy get badly beaten and arrested by Kojak at least you’ll know they haven’t completely flipped!